THe other day, someone at a store in our town read that a methamphetamine lab had been found in an old farmhouse in the adjoining county and he asked me a rhetorical question, ''Why didn't we have a drug problem when you and I were growing up?''
I replied, I had a drug problem when I was young:
I was drug to church on Sunday morning.
I was drug to church for weddings and funerals.
I was drug to family reunions and community socials no matter the weather.
I was drug by my ears when I was disrespectful to adults.
I was also drug to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents, told a lie, brought home a bad report card, did not speak with respect, spoke ill of the teacher or the preacher, or if I didn't put forth my best effort in everything that was asked of me.
I was drug to the kitchen sink to have my mouth washed out with soap if I uttered a profanity. I was drug out to pull weeds in mom's garden and flower beds and cockleburs out of dad's fields. I was drug to the homes of family, friends, and neighbors to help out some poor soul who had no one to mow the yard, repair the clothesline, or chop some firewood; and, if my mother had ever known that I took a single dime as a tip for this kindness, she would have drug me back to the woodshed.
Those drugs are still in my veins and they affect my behavior in everything I do, say, and think. They are stronger than cocaine, crack, or heroin; and, if today's children had this kind of drug problem, this land would be a better place.
~author unknown~
God bless the parents who drugged us.

>Subject: Too Funny
In church on Sunday morning the preacher started out by asking:"How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"
About 50% held up their hands.
Somewhere in the middle of the sermon, he again asked: "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"
About 80% held up their hands.
Toward the end of the church service, the minister repeated the question and all responded by raising their hands except one small, elderly lady.
"Mrs. Jones? Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?", minister asked.
"I don't have any", she replied, smiling sweetly.
"Mrs. Jones, that is indeed unusual. How old are you?"
"Ninety-eight " she replied.
"Mrs. Jones, would you come down front and tell the congregation how a person can live for ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world?"
The little lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, smiled sweetly
and said, "I outlived the bitches"!!!!!
FROM ONE OLD LADY TO ANOTHER,,, " I HOPE I OUT LIVE THE BITCHES ,TOO!!!!!
******* (LAUGHING! LAUGHING! LAUGHING ! ) ********

>> Subject: Fw: This is a real keeper, both wise and funny
>>
>>
>> Stress
>> Management
>> A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience,
>> raised a glass of water and asked, "How heavy is this glass of
>> water?"
>> Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g.
>> The lecturer replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter."
>> It depends on how long you try to hold it.
>> "If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem.
>> If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm.
>> If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance.
>> "In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it,
>> the heavier it becomes."
>> He continued, "And that's the way it is with stress
>> management.
>> "If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the
>> burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on. "
>> "As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a
>> while and rest before holding it again.
>> When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden. "
>> "So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work
>> down.
>> Don't carry it home.
>> You can pick it up tomorrow.
>> Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a
>> moment if you can. "
>> "Relax; pick them up later after you've rested.
>> Life is short. Enjoy it!
>>
>> And then he shared some ways of dealing with the burdens of
>> life:
>> * Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days
>> you're the statue.

>> * Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have
>> to eat them.

>> * Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in
>> the middle of it.

>> * Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by
>> their maker.

>> * If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
>>
>> * If you lend someone $20 and never see them again, it was
>> probably worth it.

>> * It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve
>> as a warning to others.

>> * Never buy a car you can't push.

>> * Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because
>> then you won't have a leg to stand on.

>> * Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

>> * When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

>> * We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are
>> pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are
>> different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.

>> A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a
>> detour.