TO MY:

Girlfriend and Sister's Week

I am only as strong as the coffee I drink,
the hairspray I use and the friends I have.
To the cool women that have touched my li! fe. Here's to you!

National Girlfriends Day
What would most of us do without our sisters, confidants
and shopping, lunching, and traveling girls?
Let's celebrate each other for each other's sake!

TO MY GIRLFRIENDS!


PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO ALL OF YOUR GIRLFRIENDS !



It is good to be a woman:
!
1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We can scare male bosses with
the mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
3 Taxis stop for us.
4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
5 No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival the Speedo.
6. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
8. We can congratulate our teammate
without ever touching her rear end.
9. We never have to reach down every so often
to make sure our privates are still there.
10. We have the ability to dress ourselv es.
11. We can talk to the opposite sex without
having to picture them naked
12. If we marry someone 20 years younger,
we are aware that we will look like an idiot.
13. We will never regret piercing our ears
14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
15. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence
because they aren't listening anyway.
Send this to all the bright women you know and make their day!!!!!

THe other day, someone at a store in our town read that a methamphetamine lab had been found in an old farmhouse in the adjoining county and he asked me a rhetorical question, ''Why didn't we have a drug problem when you and I were growing up?''
I replied, I had a drug problem when I was young:
I was drug to church on Sunday morning.
I was drug to church for weddings and funerals.
I was drug to family reunions and community socials no matter the weather.
I was drug by my ears when I was disrespectful to adults.
I was also drug to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents, told a lie, brought home a bad report card, did not speak with respect, spoke ill of the teacher or the preacher, or if I didn't put forth my best effort in everything that was asked of me.
I was drug to the kitchen sink to have my mouth washed out with soap if I uttered a profanity. I was drug out to pull weeds in mom's garden and flower beds and cockleburs out of dad's fields. I was drug to the homes of family, friends, and neighbors to help out some poor soul who had no one to mow the yard, repair the clothesline, or chop some firewood; and, if my mother had ever known that I took a single dime as a tip for this kindness, she would have drug me back to the woodshed.
Those drugs are still in my veins and they affect my behavior in everything I do, say, and think. They are stronger than cocaine, crack, or heroin; and, if today's children had this kind of drug problem, this land would be a better place.
~author unknown~
God bless the parents who drugged us.

>Subject: Too Funny
In church on Sunday morning the preacher started out by asking:"How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"
About 50% held up their hands.
Somewhere in the middle of the sermon, he again asked: "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"
About 80% held up their hands.
Toward the end of the church service, the minister repeated the question and all responded by raising their hands except one small, elderly lady.
"Mrs. Jones? Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?", minister asked.
"I don't have any", she replied, smiling sweetly.
"Mrs. Jones, that is indeed unusual. How old are you?"
"Ninety-eight " she replied.
"Mrs. Jones, would you come down front and tell the congregation how a person can live for ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world?"
The little lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, smiled sweetly
and said, "I outlived the bitches"!!!!!
FROM ONE OLD LADY TO ANOTHER,,, " I HOPE I OUT LIVE THE BITCHES ,TOO!!!!!
******* (LAUGHING! LAUGHING! LAUGHING ! ) ********