>> Subject: Fw: This is a real keeper, both wise and funny
>>
>>
>> Stress
>> Management
>> A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience,
>> raised a glass of water and asked, "How heavy is this glass of
>> water?"
>> Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g.
>> The lecturer replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter."
>> It depends on how long you try to hold it.
>> "If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem.
>> If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm.
>> If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance.
>> "In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it,
>> the heavier it becomes."
>> He continued, "And that's the way it is with stress
>> management.
>> "If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the
>> burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on. "
>> "As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a
>> while and rest before holding it again.
>> When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden. "
>> "So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work
>> down.
>> Don't carry it home.
>> You can pick it up tomorrow.
>> Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a
>> moment if you can. "
>> "Relax; pick them up later after you've rested.
>> Life is short. Enjoy it!
>>
>> And then he shared some ways of dealing with the burdens of
>> life:
>> * Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days
>> you're the statue.
>> * Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have
>> to eat them.
>> * Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in
>> the middle of it.
>> * Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by
>> their maker.
>> * If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
>>
>> * If you lend someone $20 and never see them again, it was
>> probably worth it.
>> * It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve
>> as a warning to others.
>> * Never buy a car you can't push.
>> * Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because
>> then you won't have a leg to stand on.
>> * Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
>> * When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
>> * We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are
>> pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are
>> different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.
>> A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a
>> detour.
Monday, December 11, 2006
Saturday, October 14, 2006
GRAND MA'S A TOUGH OLD COOKIE !!!
A young man shopping in a supermarket
noticed a little old lady following him around.
If he stopped, she stopped.
Furthermore she kept staring at him.
She finally overtook him at the checkout,
and she turned to him and said,
"I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease;
it's just that you look so much like my late son."
He answered, "That's okay."
"I know it's silly, but if you'd call out
"Good bye, Mom" as I leave the store,
it would make me feel so happy."
She then went through the checkout,
and as she was on her way out of the store,
the man called out, "Goodbye, Mom."
The little old lady waved, and smiled back at him .Pleased that he had brought
a little sunshine into someone's day,
he went to pay for his groceries.
"That comes to $121.85," said the clerk.
"How come so much ... I only bought 5 items.."
The clerk replied,
"Yeah, but your Mother said
you'd be paying for her things, too."
Don't trust little Old Ladies!!!
A young man shopping in a supermarket
noticed a little old lady following him around.
If he stopped, she stopped.
Furthermore she kept staring at him.
She finally overtook him at the checkout,
and she turned to him and said,
"I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease;
it's just that you look so much like my late son."
He answered, "That's okay."
"I know it's silly, but if you'd call out
"Good bye, Mom" as I leave the store,
it would make me feel so happy."
She then went through the checkout,
and as she was on her way out of the store,
the man called out, "Goodbye, Mom."
The little old lady waved, and smiled back at him .Pleased that he had brought
a little sunshine into someone's day,
he went to pay for his groceries.
"That comes to $121.85," said the clerk.
"How come so much ... I only bought 5 items.."
The clerk replied,
"Yeah, but your Mother said
you'd be paying for her things, too."
Don't trust little Old Ladies!!!
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
How true to all us boomers...... Life was GOOD then,, and we all had fun,,,I'd go back to these times in a "New York Minute" When we lived for the Friday nights at the roller rink!! Those where the days!!!
Hope you feel the same if you grew up in the 40's , 50's and early 60's! But we are OLD now and can only
live with our memories,, but they sure are good memories!! Keep on ROCK'IN and ROLL'IN!!
TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the 1930's 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's !!
First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes. Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.
As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags. Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle. We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.
We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING! We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K. We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms.........
.WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them! We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents. We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever. We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes. We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them! Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law! This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever! The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL! And YOU are one of them!
CONGRATULATIONS! You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own good. And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were.
Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissor! s, doesn't it?!
Rememer all of this , I sure do,,, from your OLD GRANDMA!!!!
Hope you feel the same if you grew up in the 40's , 50's and early 60's! But we are OLD now and can only
live with our memories,, but they sure are good memories!! Keep on ROCK'IN and ROLL'IN!!
TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the 1930's 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's !!
First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes. Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.
As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags. Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle. We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.
We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING! We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K. We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms.........
.WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them! We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents. We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever. We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes. We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them! Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law! This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever! The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL! And YOU are one of them!
CONGRATULATIONS! You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own good. And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were.
Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissor! s, doesn't it?!
Rememer all of this , I sure do,,, from your OLD GRANDMA!!!!
Monday, September 04, 2006
This is not very elegant, to say the least, but it struck me so funny when I read it this morning, I laughed 'til I cried so I just had to share it.
One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home.
On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.
Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call.
The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.
Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable.
When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.
My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.
At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!" I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home.
On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.
Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call.
The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.
Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable.
When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.
My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.
At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!" I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
FUNNY! FUNNY! FUNNY!!
Subject: Just $50
Morris and his wife Esther went to the State Fair every year, and
every year, Morris would say, "Esther, I'd like to ride in that helicopter". Esther always replied, "I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is 50 dollars and 50 dollars is 50 dollars".
One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said,
"Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance". Esther replied, "Morris that helicopter is 50 dollars and 50 dollars is 50 dollars".
The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you A deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride.
If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word I won't charge you! But if you say one word, it's 50 dollars".
Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his dare devil tricks over and over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!"
Morris replied, "Well I was going to say something when Esther fell out,
but 50 dollars is 50 dollars".
Morris and his wife Esther went to the State Fair every year, and
every year, Morris would say, "Esther, I'd like to ride in that helicopter". Esther always replied, "I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is 50 dollars and 50 dollars is 50 dollars".
One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said,
"Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance". Esther replied, "Morris that helicopter is 50 dollars and 50 dollars is 50 dollars".
The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you A deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride.
If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word I won't charge you! But if you say one word, it's 50 dollars".
Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his dare devil tricks over and over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!"
Morris replied, "Well I was going to say something when Esther fell out,
but 50 dollars is 50 dollars".
Monday, July 03, 2006
Monday, June 12, 2006
TO ALL THE PEOPLE WHO GREW UP IN THE 50's
TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the 1930's 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's !!
First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us.
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.
Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.
As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags. Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle. We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.
We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.
We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms.........
.WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them! We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents. We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.
We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes. We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!
Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!! The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law! This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever! The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL! And YOU are one of them! CONGRATULATIONS! You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own good. And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were. Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissor! s, doesn't it?!
First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us.
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.
Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.
As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags. Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle. We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.
We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.
We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms.........
.WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them! We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents. We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.
We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes. We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!
Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!! The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law! This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever! The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL! And YOU are one of them! CONGRATULATIONS! You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own good. And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were. Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissor! s, doesn't it?!
Monday, June 05, 2006
SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT!
THE POEM
I knelt to pray but not for long,I had too much to do.
I had to hurry and get to workFor bills would soon be due.
So I knelt and said a hurried prayer,And jumped up off my knees.
My Christian duty was now done My soul could rest at ease....
All day long I had no time, To spread a word of cheer ,No time to speak of Christ to friends,
They'd laugh at me I'd fear.
No time, no time, too much to do,That was my constant cry,
No time to give to souls in need
But at last the time, the time to die.
I went before the Lord, I came, I stood with downcast eyes
For in his hands God, held a book, It was the book of life.
God looked into his book and said "Your name I cannot find, I once was going to write it down...
But never found the time.
"Now do you have the time to pass it on?
I knelt to pray but not for long,I had too much to do.
I had to hurry and get to workFor bills would soon be due.
So I knelt and said a hurried prayer,And jumped up off my knees.
My Christian duty was now done My soul could rest at ease....
All day long I had no time, To spread a word of cheer ,No time to speak of Christ to friends,
They'd laugh at me I'd fear.
No time, no time, too much to do,That was my constant cry,
No time to give to souls in need
But at last the time, the time to die.
I went before the Lord, I came, I stood with downcast eyes
For in his hands God, held a book, It was the book of life.
God looked into his book and said "Your name I cannot find, I once was going to write it down...
But never found the time.
"Now do you have the time to pass it on?
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
IF YOU NEED A GOOD LAUGH, READ ON!!
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went golfing.
************************************************************************************************
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!"
The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"
"Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out." ****************************************************************************************************
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband. ***************************************************************************************************
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters:
'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' "Can you read this?" the optician asked.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy." ***************************************************************************************************
Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent." "Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired chardonnay." ***************************************************************************************************
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said,
"CAREFUL! Put in some more butter!
Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once.
TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful ... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never!
Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your
mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt.
USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I m driving." *********************************************************************************************
Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That>>>>> afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.
************************************************************************************************
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!"
The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"
"Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out." ****************************************************************************************************
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband. ***************************************************************************************************
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters:
'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' "Can you read this?" the optician asked.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy." ***************************************************************************************************
Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent." "Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired chardonnay." ***************************************************************************************************
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said,
"CAREFUL! Put in some more butter!
Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once.
TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful ... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never!
Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your
mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt.
USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I m driving." *********************************************************************************************
Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That>>>>> afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.
Friday, May 12, 2006
Happy Mothers Day
Hello, from Grand Mom,
, I would like to wish all Mothers a wonderful
MOTHERS DAY.
It has always been a hard job being a Mother
and girls do not know it until THEY get to be MOTHERS.
But , remember,, gals, we grandmothers, hope you all raised children
just like we raised you.!
Wonderful, Caring, Suportive, and Loving .
So you will have a Happy Mothers Day ,
like us Grandmothers will have!
Love to you all, Grand ma!!
, I would like to wish all Mothers a wonderful
MOTHERS DAY.
It has always been a hard job being a Mother
and girls do not know it until THEY get to be MOTHERS.
But , remember,, gals, we grandmothers, hope you all raised children
just like we raised you.!
Wonderful, Caring, Suportive, and Loving .
So you will have a Happy Mothers Day ,
like us Grandmothers will have!
Love to you all, Grand ma!!
Monday, May 01, 2006
GOOD ADVISE!!! (laughing)
HOW TO CLEAN THE HOUSE
1. Open a new file in your PC.
2. Name it "Housework."
3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN
4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN
5. Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Housework permanently?"
6. Calmly answer, "Yes," and press the mouse button firmly......
7. Feel better?
Works for me!
1. Open a new file in your PC.
2. Name it "Housework."
3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN
4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN
5. Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Housework permanently?"
6. Calmly answer, "Yes," and press the mouse button firmly......
7. Feel better?
Works for me!
Friday, April 21, 2006
SOME GOOD ADVISE!!!
"WORK LIKE YOU DON'T NEED MONEY,
LOVE LIKE YOU'VE NEVER BEEN HURT,
AND DANCE LIKE
NO ONE IS WATCHING."
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
HAPPY EASTER OR PASSOVER,,,
HAPPY EASTER OR HAPPY PASSOVER TO EVERY ONE.
. HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY WITH YOUR FAMILYS.
HUGS AND KISSES ARE JUST LIKE CANDY, SO GIVE SOME OF THEM TO EVERY ONE. FOR THE ONES WHO ARE TO OLD FOR THE CANDY THING!!(LAUGHING) OR BETTER YET GIVE OUT PLENTY OF BOTH!
FROM GRANDMA!!
Saturday, April 01, 2006
SPRING IS HERE,, WONDERFUL!!
HAPPY SPRING,, I AM SO GLAD THE FLOWERS ARE BEGINNING TO BLOOM. THE TREES ARE WAKING UP,, IT IS MY FAVORITE TIME OF THE YEAR.
I CAN NOT WAIT TO GET MY PANSYS,, I TOOK THE WIRE OFF THE FISH POND YESTERDAY,, I PUT IT ON TO KEEP THE LEAVES OUT. IT HELPS BUT I STILL NEED TO TAKE LEAVES OUT OF THE BOTTOM.BUT, MY FISH LOOK IN GOOD SHAPE, THEY CAME TO THE TOP TODAY TO BE FED, BUT IT IS TO EARLY TO FEED THEM. SO I KNOW THEY DIDN'T FORGET ME OVER THE WINTER..MORE THAN I CAN SAY ABOUT PEOPLE... RIGHT???
I ALSO, NEED TO BRING MORE THINGS FROM THE ATTIC,, TO SHOW ON HERE.. BUT IT HAS BEEN TO NICE OUT SIDE TO BE INSIDE DOING THAT.
WE HAD SOME TREES THAT HAD FALLEN , SO FOR TWO DAYS WE CUT AND TOOK THEM AWAY, AND THEY ARE NOT OUR TREES, BUT MY BROTHER-IN-LAWS, NEXT DOOR, BUT THEY FELL OVER ON OUR SIDE..SO,, THAT WAS FUN!!!
WELL, TAKE CARE,, GET OUT AND ENJOY THE SPRING,,, AND SMILE AT EVERY ONE YOU SEE, MAYBE THEY WILL PASS IT AROUND,,,, AND EVERYONE WILL BE SMILING!!(YOU THINK??) FROM GRANDMOTHER
I CAN NOT WAIT TO GET MY PANSYS,, I TOOK THE WIRE OFF THE FISH POND YESTERDAY,, I PUT IT ON TO KEEP THE LEAVES OUT. IT HELPS BUT I STILL NEED TO TAKE LEAVES OUT OF THE BOTTOM.BUT, MY FISH LOOK IN GOOD SHAPE, THEY CAME TO THE TOP TODAY TO BE FED, BUT IT IS TO EARLY TO FEED THEM. SO I KNOW THEY DIDN'T FORGET ME OVER THE WINTER..MORE THAN I CAN SAY ABOUT PEOPLE... RIGHT???
I ALSO, NEED TO BRING MORE THINGS FROM THE ATTIC,, TO SHOW ON HERE.. BUT IT HAS BEEN TO NICE OUT SIDE TO BE INSIDE DOING THAT.
WE HAD SOME TREES THAT HAD FALLEN , SO FOR TWO DAYS WE CUT AND TOOK THEM AWAY, AND THEY ARE NOT OUR TREES, BUT MY BROTHER-IN-LAWS, NEXT DOOR, BUT THEY FELL OVER ON OUR SIDE..SO,, THAT WAS FUN!!!
WELL, TAKE CARE,, GET OUT AND ENJOY THE SPRING,,, AND SMILE AT EVERY ONE YOU SEE, MAYBE THEY WILL PASS IT AROUND,,,, AND EVERYONE WILL BE SMILING!!(YOU THINK??) FROM GRANDMOTHER
Friday, March 24, 2006
PLEASE GO VISIT GRANDPA'S CARS, ALSO!!
HELLO TO EVERY ONE,, HOPE EVERY ONE HAD A WONDERFUL WEEK.
NOW A WONDERFUL WEEKEND TO REST.
WE , MARIE AND I HAVE BEEN WORKING ON THESE BLOG SPOTS, WELL,(LAUGHING) HER MORE THAN ME, I AM SURE!! THERE ARE THREE OTHER BLOGS WE HAVE , ONE BEING
WWW.//GRANDPACARS.BLOGSPOT.COM IF YOU LIKE, BOOK MARK IT, AS YOU MAY WANT TO DO WITH THIS ONE. WE WILL BE ADDING ALL KINDS OF INTERESTING THINGS ON HERE, AND OF COURSE YOU KNOW THEY ARE FOR SALE, THIS IS LIKE A ON LINE YARD SALE. PlEASE EMAIL ME WITH ANY QUESTIONS YOU MIGHT HAVE, WE WILL BE VERY GLAD TO HEAR FROM YOU.
SO, I AM WISHING YOU A HAPPY WEEK END,,AND BE NICE TO EVRRY ONE,,,SMILE!
FROM GRANDMA.....
NOW A WONDERFUL WEEKEND TO REST.
WE , MARIE AND I HAVE BEEN WORKING ON THESE BLOG SPOTS, WELL,(LAUGHING) HER MORE THAN ME, I AM SURE!! THERE ARE THREE OTHER BLOGS WE HAVE , ONE BEING
WWW.//GRANDPACARS.BLOGSPOT.COM IF YOU LIKE, BOOK MARK IT, AS YOU MAY WANT TO DO WITH THIS ONE. WE WILL BE ADDING ALL KINDS OF INTERESTING THINGS ON HERE, AND OF COURSE YOU KNOW THEY ARE FOR SALE, THIS IS LIKE A ON LINE YARD SALE. PlEASE EMAIL ME WITH ANY QUESTIONS YOU MIGHT HAVE, WE WILL BE VERY GLAD TO HEAR FROM YOU.
SO, I AM WISHING YOU A HAPPY WEEK END,,AND BE NICE TO EVRRY ONE,,,SMILE!
FROM GRANDMA.....
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
ZEBRA CLOCK,, BEAUTIFUL
CHECK OUT THE ZEBRA CLOCK IN MY PICTURES,,AND THE DESCRIPTION,, JUST FOR THE RIGHT PERSON IN THE RIGHT DECOR, CHECK IT OUT
Monday, March 20, 2006
SOMETHING NEW,YOU MIGHT ENJOY READING
Hello, every one!! This is a new blog, my sister Marie and I ( Fran ) will be sharing.
We live far apart, but often think of things the same time, she is my little sister!!
We have been arists, crafters, well, we have just about tried every thing to do with our hands. Our Mother was a wonderful seamstress, as a young gal, I would show her a picture of a dress, she would say"well, go out and get about a yard and a half of material, and I'll see what I can do"and she would make the dress, no patteren just cut and sew. She was amazing, but the sad part she never showed either of us how to sew, but we have taught ours selves some. Marie makes beautiful Quilts, and I have made baby dresses.I know mother was watcching!!
So, check in with us here, you may see some thing you like, all things here are for sale, Please shop!! Allso, let us know what you think of the blog, we would love to hear from any one,, until an other day, take care Fran
We live far apart, but often think of things the same time, she is my little sister!!
We have been arists, crafters, well, we have just about tried every thing to do with our hands. Our Mother was a wonderful seamstress, as a young gal, I would show her a picture of a dress, she would say"well, go out and get about a yard and a half of material, and I'll see what I can do"and she would make the dress, no patteren just cut and sew. She was amazing, but the sad part she never showed either of us how to sew, but we have taught ours selves some. Marie makes beautiful Quilts, and I have made baby dresses.I know mother was watcching!!
So, check in with us here, you may see some thing you like, all things here are for sale, Please shop!! Allso, let us know what you think of the blog, we would love to hear from any one,, until an other day, take care Fran
Sunday, March 19, 2006
New Grandmothers Attic
This is a new Blog were you will find all kinds of goodies from our attic. We are grandmothers and sisters and between us we have years of treasures. Check back often to see what we have found.
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